Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
