I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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