Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
