Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?

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  (646): Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why? http://tfl.nu/31ky
  Replies (7) Good night (666) Bad night (948)
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  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

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  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (128) Good night (8316) Bad night (61943)
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  (852): View more from

  i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Stay away from his face.

  (852): View more from

  so i go for his dick?

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  (852): i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do? (256): Stay away from his face. (852): so i go for his dick? http://tfl.nu/3ce2
  Replies (26) Good night (2844) Bad night (960)
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  (805): View more from California

  i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila

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  (805): i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila http://tfl.nu/c3w5
  Replies (17) Good night (3852) Bad night (1349)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I find this completely acceptable.

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  (903): Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework? (321): I find this completely acceptable. http://tfl.nu/32xm
  Replies (27) Good night (5671) Bad night (972)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home

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  (502): new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home http://tfl.nu/1gm8
  Replies (25) Good night (7145) Bad night (1043)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport

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  (815): I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport http://tfl.nu/v33c
  Replies (22) Good night (10277) Bad night (1136)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.

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  (901): Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain. http://tfl.nu/cpjv
  Replies (2) Good night (1457) Bad night (665)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off

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  (914): Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off http://tfl.nu/fxgn
  Replies (8) Good night (1422) Bad night (689)
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  (310): View more from California

  Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?

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  (310): Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH? http://tfl.nu/yzjc
  Replies (4) Good night (671) Bad night (367)
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  (209): View more from California

  I can't put those talents on a resume

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  (209): I can't put those talents on a resume http://tfl.nu/4txi
  Replies (5) Good night (739) Bad night (347)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.

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  (734): You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence. http://tfl.nu/7y1e
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (277)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!

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  (502): just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year! http://tfl.nu/390j
  Replies (13) Good night (502) Bad night (1306)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.

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  (301): You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel. http://tfl.nu/bfut
  Replies (0) Good night (528) Bad night (194)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.

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  (219): Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/cf3f
  Replies (2) Good night (304) Bad night (146)

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