break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
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the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything