Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus