Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?