eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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