so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
