also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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