I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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