If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
