Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
