Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
