Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
