dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
