Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
