The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
