Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You need a sexual gate keeper
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Randomize
