I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
