I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
