He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
