i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how does that bad decision feel?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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