mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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