I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
