____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
