Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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