Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
