Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
