i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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