just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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