I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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