Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
