My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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