hell yes lets make some ravioli
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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