once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
