32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
