guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im on a boat
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