bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
