oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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