Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
