So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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