You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
