youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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