When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
