her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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