Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
