All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
