Will you blow on my dice?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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