you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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