He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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