What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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