My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So much Jack, so little girl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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