Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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