So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
