I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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