well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
