Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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