That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
