So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just threw up on my dentist
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
