Jerry, you need to find god
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
