Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Randomize
