just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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