I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
