how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
