Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
