i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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