DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
