I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
