you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
