Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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