On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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