It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
