I smell stomach acid.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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