I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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