So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
