By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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