Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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